*disclaimer* I posted this on thirty travelers as well, because i'm assuming that different people read the two. If i come to find that the only people who read this are fellow thirty travelers, then i will promptly end the short-life of this blog. If you are reading this disclaimer and you dont know what thirty travelers is, don't worry about it. You are my reason for posting.
So. I’ve had a little bit of a time-management problem at work lately. But not in the way you might think. I have too much time. I tend to finish things rather quickly, which may mean that I’m not being thorough enough, but honestly I don’t really know how to do it differently, and I fear my brain might explode if I just try to edit things over and over again for the sake of thoroughality. My hours go by a little bit like this: check work email. Respond. Check gmail. Respond. Check google reader. Read. Check work email. Hark! Something needs my editing expertise! Print. Edit with pen (my favorite! Oh the red marks are glorious). Make changes in document. Save. Back to gmail, and the cycle continues. What I’m getting at is this: well, it’s a few things actually. One, is that I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately. Blogs are funny. They are a selective glimpse into people’s lives. And people probably only bother to blog about things that are cool and exciting. But the result is that it makes everyone else’s lives look cool and exciting. Just today, peeking into other people’s lives I’ve dreamt of becoming a photo-journalist (even for a local paper), moving to any number of fascinating cities and countries, working for a
(pause…a button for a website needs my copy editing …11 words in length…big job folks.)
47 seconds later. The big question is: Will I ever be truly content? And, am I the only person who feels this way? It just seems like there are different venues for our discontentment, for mine, they change in seasons, but that tugging, nagging feeling…does it ever go away? Is there this magical place where I will someday live, doing something magical, surrounded by magical people, where I will never long for something else ever again? And would I even want that? I mean, how many years did I spend focusing that discontentment on the prospect of finding my media naranja. (the Spanish term for soul-mate that I much prefer…it means half-orange). Now I have found him. I love him, and I’m SO thankful for the incredible peace and contentment that has flooded that little nook in my heart. What fulfilling companionship! But it doesn’t change that part of me that looks ahead and plans and longs and dreams.
I guess one thing I could learn from all this pondering is that if finding “the one” didn’t make me magically and completely fulfilled, then finding the perfect job or place to live or calling probably won’t either, right? And when I say that I’m discontent, please don’t hear that I’m sad. I’m not. I’m very very happy and I love life in Birmingham right now. I just can’t help but look forward to more. I want to really “make a difference” as cliché as that sounds, and I want to really spend all of my time in the nitty-gritty place where humanity, and community, and creativity, and justice, and love meet. now why isn't there a google map for that place?
At my core, I trust that God treasures these desires in my heart, and He is the one who will fulfill them. I just don’t know if it will be in this flesh-laden lifetime or not.