5.21.2008

I am a hypocrite.

Please, as hard as I try to fool you, do not be fooled. I am a hypocrite. Let me tell you why.

I support things that I think are cool and compelling, but how often does my lifestyle actually reflect what I “believe?”

I read books like Deep Economy and I pump my fist and say yeah this guy is great when I read things that Obama has said such as: "We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times ... and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK," and think, more people really need to listen to him…all those arrogant, selfish, SUV driving Americans…

But…
I drive a Jeep Cherokee.
I rarely consider global consequences while consuming.
And I live in an apartment that is kept at below 72 degrees.
I only recycle when I remember, and then pat myself on the back for it.

And if that’s not bad enough…

I make myself feel really good about caring and volunteering, but I work at a Christian company and eat lunch in a setting everyday that is basically segregated by race and socio-economic position. It bothers me quite frequently, but I have done absolutely nothing about it other than look down on other people in my mind and make myself feel good about even noticing the discrepancy.

Then I write blogs or sit and talk with friends about how I’m a hypocrite and don’t change. It’s actually rather overwhelming. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I want to be a person of integrity. And even more than that, I want to be a person whose life-orienting gaze is fixed on the glory of Christ and the gospel. Delighting in him and living like it. But I am far from it. I am far more fixed on my own identity—reputation, appearance, and perception to others—than on how I can walk with and exalt Jesus. I daily choose something other than him.

And the list continues, farther than I even have the strength to face.

I need to be rescued.

Praise God! For I worship and have given my life to a rescuing, redeeming, savior.

5 comments:

Kate said...

Girl, you know I can echo all that you are saying! This is our conversation in a nutshell. Glory to God when He allows us to come so face to face with our sin. Press on, redeemed sister!

Thesupermanns said...

Yeah.....i love seeing your wonderful faces and heart here on a blog......hows newly wed life? It looks great...i love your home. We love yall.

brad said...

America is the greatest country in the world! Don't believe it when people tell you otherwise! There are selfish people here, just like everywhere else in the world. But a world without America and what it stands for is doomed.

rebekah @ elizabeth anne designs said...

In the same place....

Cate Raff said...

Meeee toooo... But, I'll never forget you inviting me to come downtown with you and pass out hot dogs and pb&js to homeless people--that shows a great heart, and that's more than a really good starting point. So good to hear from you! Keep up the great writing (I'll add you to my blogroll...).